We’re all unique beings- but that doesn’t mean we’re exempt from certain basic behavioral patterns that are common to us all. With the help of psychology, it’s perfectly possible to apply some base ‘trickery’ of the mind that plays on childhood patterns. Why not try these simple tweaks to how you converse with people to boost your communication skills and make you look great no matter what you do?
The like test
Do they like you or not? Pick yourself a keyword you can slide into the conversation and you may well find out. Every time your crush uses the word (or its synonyms) give them positive reinforcement like a nod or smile. If they like you back, you’ll soon find the word being used all the time.
Get taken more seriously
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Humans attach an inherent worth to parental advice. Sadly, it also skews by gender- we take dads more seriously than moms. So much so, you can leverage it to get taken more seriously yourself! Simple toss in that your father taught you to do it this way, and reap the reward.
Reveal a stalker with a yawn
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If you think you’re under observation, try a yawn. We all know how hard it is to resist yawning if someone else does, and you can use that to your advantage. Someone who’s paying more attention to you than you’re comfortable with will yawn if you do- so fake one and find out.
Leverage other people’s decisions
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Instead of asking if someone wants something at all, ask how much of it they want. If your daughter’s fussy with veggies, for example, ask her if she’d like one or two spoons of peas rather than giving the choice of whether to have peas or not. That way, they feel like they made the decision to eat it themselves, instead of being forced to accept yours. It’s called the illusion of choice. Watch out for people- especially bosses- using this on you too.
Make sure everyone agrees with you
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Strong eye contact, paired with nodding, will get people to agree with you easily. The nodding reinforces that you speak the truth, plus people are hard-wired to nod back in agreement.
Ask for help
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Yup, it can be that easy. People don’t like feeling guilty, so opening with ‘I need your help’ tends to make them want to help. If you need help carrying something, you can also pass it over as you’re talking- many people will take it automatically, then feel invested in what you’re doing. That could backfire with someone who’s attentive, or someone you don’t know well, however.
Warm someone up to you
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People don’t like to feel petty, either, so they’ll often grant small favors like loaning a pen even if they dislike you. If they feel like they’re a good person for helping you out, they’re more likely to think you’re OK after all, too. Leverage this to get someone to warm to you, just don’t be irritating.
Part the crowd like a sea
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Sick of trying to force your way through crowds? Maintain a very direct, forward-looking gaze in the direction you need to go. People will get out of your way. The science is a little more complicated here than some of our tricks, but in crowds, we tend to gauge other people’s direction by their eyes, and then avoid them.
Rock, paper scissors like a champ
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This might be cheating a bit, but all is fair in love and games, right? If you ask your opponent a question- any question- right before they play their hand, chances are they will throw scissors. It’s a confusion reaction! Simply toss back a rock and win.
Tricks for your social anxiety
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If you’re nervous chatting with people, learn to paraphrase things they’ve said- take the gist of what they say to you, and repeat it back. This makes people feel you are an attentive listener. Just don’t over-use this one or it will start feeling fake.
Warm hands, warm heart
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Don’t be that person with the clammy handshake! Make sure your hands are warm- even in cold weather- as that influences people to believe you are friendly and open.
Banish an earworm
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You might know this one already, but if you have a persistent earworm stuck in your head, try and force yourself to hum or sing the end of the song. It’s called the Zeigarnik Effect, and relates to how our brain nags about unfinished things. If the brain is satisfied the ‘job’ was done, it can finally relax.
With these simple psychological tricks up your sleeve, you’ll soon have the world at your beck and call. Don’t forget that you read them here first!
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